OK.
More hard lessons this week. Exactly at the time(s) I can’t, and don’t want to deal with it.
Other people getting angry and frustrated with me. A few different people, not just one.
I know the things I need to work on to change myself, I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but I really can’t handle others frustrations and anger with me right now. I just can’t.
Most of the anger and frustrations with me comes at me via Facebook messages or emails, and one person on the phone. Miscommunications, misinterpretations, on and on.
Others needing and wanting to be right, and having to prove they are right. I don’t care. They can be right. I’m happy to be wrong. Wrong is less tiring.
It’s just not what I need. Anger. (and please don’t tell me it’s a mirror of what’s inside myself. I’m highly aware, I’ve got some anger going on inside, not denying it, understandably it is there, but I’m doing my best to keep it in check)
So … I’m going to totally avoid personal email communications as a result right now, and I am not going to respond to Facebook messages at all, and will keep conversations in my small Facebook secret support group, where I feel safe, supported, understood, heard and loved. I’ll post to this blog/journal. I’ll keep talking on Twitter, where I feel tremendous support, overall.
Otherwise, Facebook messages and email, gone. For now.
I have a phone. People have phones. I’ve got a gazillion long distance minutes to call people anywhere in North America, 24/7. I’ll be using the phone. I need to hear and feel voices and energies, not miscommunications via cyber space.
I’m going to do phone calls or in person stuff as it just works better for me right now.
Sorry for not all that happy a post this morning.
I’m feeling ready to face chemotherapy this week but anxious as I don’t know which day this week yet. I’ll call the cancer agency this morning.
Today, I need to clear others anger and frustrations out of me somehow. I’m obsessing over their words but mostly can’t shake those psychic energies, the invasions of anger.
My energy needs to be clean and clear right now.
It seems I may be able to define cancer as cleaning supplies.
Cancer is a broom, to sweep away all … everything and everyone that doesn’t fit.
Cancer is a vacuum cleaner, to clean out and clear the nooks and crannies of my psyche.
Cancer can actually be a helper, it seems.
Cancer is a mop.
I just need to pick up the mop and swish it around regularly to cut the grease and grunge (people, places and things) and make things sparkly clean and new again.
Love, Brenda
