I have not posted for a long long time. I have been tired. Very tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
However, I do want to keep sharing here on this journal/blog and to start sharing again, starting right now. So I will share with you, a secret Facebook post from today:
It takes COURAGE to share all of your feelings, ups and downs, emotions, screw ups and mix ups and mistakes and and the toughest of journeys.
I realize at this moment, that although I do not have a lot else, I do have a ton of courage. My stories and life challenges have pushed away many “friends” who cannot/could not cope with all of it. There has been a LOT going on all at once. It has felt like more than one soul can bare all at the same time.
So it got me thinking, that if all that I have is ME and my feelings, then at least I was courageous enough to be real and put it all out there, baring my heart, guts and soul, for many to see and to read.
Do I wish my life were different? Absolutely. I turn 54 next month and this is not where I saw my life heading at all at all.
For now, it is tough and it is a hard road.
Most people are very uncomfortable seeing and listening to someone who is not “stable” or “grounded” … but such is life, that has been me. I am working to change this, but until I get there, I hope that those who truly love me, will stick by my side through this “all over the map”“up and down roller coaster” until I am able to get off of this ride and into a new life.
At the moment, I have a teeny tiny glimmer of hope trying to creep into me. I shall let it.
May this hope, grow into huge belief in myself, and trust in the Universe an that it has far greater plans for me than what I have gone through recently.